learning the art of need

“What we learn with pleasure we never forget.”

-Alfred Mercier

---

 

Those of you that know me, I mean really know me, know how I feel about school. There is more often then not a snarky remark that flees from my lips any time the topic is brought up. 

I’ve sorta adopted the grinches mentality towards school: hate, hate, hate, LOATH Entirely. And as I have furthered into this season I have realized my discontentment with school has morphed into a displeasure towards learning in general.

Awkward. When you start a new job there is this key factor that comes to play- Learning.  

You see, I like to have things figured out.

Control. I like having control. Surely I can’t mess it up if I do it all and have all the answers. 

New job. New house. New roommates. New. New. New. New. 

Most days I feel like my skin is being ripped off. Okay, that’s dramatic, but there is a steady discomfort and no matter what I do it still lingers. 

I hate new. I can’t control or work the system of new. 

Each time I try to do or be without asking for help or drawing on someone else’s wisdom something goes wrong or I end up worse off than I was before. 

It’s funny. I’m not used to needing people. I force myself into situations of being needed but not needing in return. 

And as this season continues on I end up dry and needing. Grasping for someone to teach me how to breath it feels like at times. 

Learning causes discomfort and discomfort strips us of what we know and causes us to learn how to make the discomfort comfort…

Well, I could… nope. What if I… No, not that either. 

Need. 

This is a season of needing. Not giving but taking. Humbling myself to ask for help and ask for the Father to flood in more. It’s a season of learning from others and from the Father. A season that I can’t conjure my way out of. 

I need the Lord and I need His fullness. I need community and I need it in it’s fullness. I need a support system that will come along side financially and prayerfully and I need it in it’s fullness.

So here’s to seasons of learning and needing. And mending and breaking. And sitting and receiving.